Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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