I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm like, not good at living.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
