I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
