She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
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So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
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I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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