We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
