our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
