Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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