You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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