woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
