Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
