just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
