How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
