Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
