there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
