i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
