So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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