Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize