She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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