are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
