All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
