he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have aggressive nipples.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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