I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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