I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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