He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
