I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
