Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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