Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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