Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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