dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
