So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
