I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
