Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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