You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
