i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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