I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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