Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
