What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
