That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
