the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
