I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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