My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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