Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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