ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
