in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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