I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
