I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i will never coherently bang her
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
