I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
