Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
