i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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