I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
