i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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