I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
