this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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