come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
