Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
