Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
