Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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