Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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