Reggie can tackle my bush.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
