Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
