So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
