Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Randomize
