Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
