a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i think my mom watched the whole time
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
