You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
