new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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