I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he was CRYING into my vagina
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
