I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
