alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
