i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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