He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
