i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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