I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
