FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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