I like my sex mixed with concussions.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
