WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
