Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
