i don't like sucking hair
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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