I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
